In the future, food costs nothing -- and we have free-to-play games to thank. Read this rare account from a time traveler who gives us massive spoilers from the year 2113.
In the future, food costs nothing -- and we have free-to-play games to thank. Read this rare account from a time traveler who gives us massive spoilers from the year 2113. (This is the Arrested Development humor column in the April issue of Game Developer magazine, and not an actual account from the future...or is it?)
Hey, anybody know what year it is? 2013, you say? Praise Pincus, I made it! Huh, it looks different than it does in the holo-museum. Hey, I know what you're thinking: "This guy is just some kook and not actually a time traveler" - but it's true, I swear! I'm from the year A.P. 50 (that's, uh, 2113 to you). And I've come back to thank you, because this is where it all began - right here in this humble little video game studio. You may not yet realize it, but this very team is on the verge of solving humanity's greatest problem!
Okay, who said hunger? Ha ha, you people are real jokers. No, I mean leveraging user engagement to scale multiple revenue streams, obviously. In the future, we live in a utopian society without scarcity. It started with free-to-play games, but that was just the beginning. Every product, every service, everything anyone could ever want is free to use! Take that muffin on your desk. I bet you paid for that, didn't you, you past-dwelling rube? Well in 2113, if you want a muffin, you just go up to any FOUD™ Vendotron and take anything you want! Now of course, for free, you don't get much of a choice of what's in the muffin. The Basic version doesn't list the ingredients and it isn't really, um, classified as food. That's okay though, the Rand Act of 2039 ensured that GOVERNMENT REGULATION (roll your eyes, everyone) doesn't apply to free goods, or anything else. Anyway, you've got your free muffin and you're enjoying it, but it seems a little bland, huh? You want to upgrade it a bit - well, that's simple! Just fire up your sosh... oh, sorry, your "social," I guess is the term for you, ha ha. Tell all your frienollowers about the muffin and how awesome it is. If any of them also get a muffin with an upgrade in the next five minutes, you get a free upgrade yourself! Plug that muffin back into the Vendotron and select "Upgrade." After the bit of "Ode to Joy" and fireworks, presto, your muffin is brimming with succulent rehydrated blueberries!
Any schoolchild knows that stuff, though. Let me tell you how it is for working professionals like us. You're driving to work - well that's wasted unproductive time, isn't it? In the future, you could be earning FOUDcash™ simply by watching a few ads on your Gapple™ Glasses while you drive. Some people even stream two different ads at once, one to each eye. It's not like you actually have to pay attention though - ha ha! What a great way to earn free stuff, huh? If you really want the FOUDcash to stream in, though, you have to make impressions on the people around you. Online impressions work pretty well - you post something on TwitrBookk+, like, "Gotta get my Stubbs™ Coffee this morning! No other brand will do! #stubbs #coffee #delicious" and every one of your friends who uplikevotes your comment gets a FOUDcoin, and you get one too. If you have a lot of frienollowers it really adds up!
The latest thing, though, is real-life impressions. Mention a product by name in person to someone else and your Gapple Glasses will detect the brand name being mentioned! As long as you say at least one positive thing about it, you'll get another bit of FOUDcash. And if you say THREE positive things, you'll go on a RepStreak - earning DOUBLE POINTS for the next 30 minutes! I know a couple folks who actually wake up every half hour in the middle of the night to call a friend to shout brand names at to keep their Streak going. Their loyalty is really inspiring! And it's not just food. This morning I bet you showered with water that you had to pay for. Ha! It's amazing to me that people once lived this way. In the future, showering is also completely free. You get 100 seconds of water, and if you talk about showering on TwitrBookk+, mentioning your shampoo brand and everything, you'll get more time and might even be upgraded to the premium experience!
Well, looks like my time is running out. Too bad - I haven't even told you about how people can use RepStreaks to earn free Doritos yet, or how Britney Spears is the prime minister of France! Anyway, I should have been able to make enough impressions about muffins to get back home. See ya! #jumpin #oldskool #backin2013 #timetravel #pastpeopledressweird Matthew Wasteland writes about games and game development on his blog, Magical Wasteland (www.magicalwasteland.com). Email him at mwasteland at gdmag dot com. Magnus Underland writes about games and other topics at www.above49.ca. Email him at magnus dot underland at gmail dot com.
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