The Evolution of Max Payne

Max Payne has been a shape-shifter during the course of his slo-mo gunslinging life. When fans have grown accustomed to a particular Max, the next iteration of the series introduces a completely different Max, yet they share a similar background. Kind of like Doctor Who, but with a lot more guns and drug use.

After seeing a glimpse of the new Max in Max Payne 3, with yet another new face, I felt compelled to chronicle Max's evolution from skinny tough guy to bald tough guy, and just to make things interesting, I tried to match each Max with a lookalike.

Let's see how well I do...

Max Payne

Looks like:
Sam Lake
This is actually cheating, since Sam Lake (or Sami Järvi) actually is Max Payne, since he gave his likeness -- as well as his words and level designs -- to the seminal Max Payne.

The true test, however, would be to see Mr. Lake diving into a pile of crates with dual Barettas blazing in slow-motion, which I honestly can't imagine, unless he did some mo-cap work for Remedy as well. That, I'd like to see!

That being said, I thought Max Payne looked like...

Eric Mabius
When I saw him in that awful Resident Evil movie, I thought, "Man, I hope they make a Max Payne movie with that guy, because that's Max!" When they did announce the Max Payne movie, all bets were on this guy.

...and we all know how that turned out. Everyone lost big time.

Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne
Looks like:
Mitt Romney
Dude! Look at him! If he showed up to the Republican Convention in a leather jacket and a dual-barrel shotgun, John McCain wouldn't have had a chance!

Imagine, if you will, Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin (sans glasses) together. Eh? Eh? Max and Mona? See that?

...and ol' Johnny had to put a monkeywrench in what could have been the Photoshop of the century!       Max Payne: The Movie
Looks like:
Commander Shepard
If I'm comparing real people to a game character, it's only fair to have it go the other way around, right? I know, it's kind of a stretch, and Commander Shepard is a customizable character, so it's possible to make him look much more like Mark Wahlberg.   But the default Shepard seems to already take the first step towards Mark's Max (try to say that 10 times fast).          

Max Payne 3
Looks like:
Shel Silverstein
Considering Max Payne's penchant for rambling soliloquies, maybe borrowing the likeness of the popular poet may fit the bill better than any actor, politician, or rapper-actor out there.

"Your sidewalk ends here!"
"The light in the attic is my muzzle flash in your skull!"

Oh! Oh! One more!

"I got your missing piece right here!"