The Obsessive (or addictive) qualities of a designer.

It's introspective time once again, this time I'm looking at a topic that we've all heard from various news sources, video game addiction. I've been going to bed after 5 in the morning this past week, one part from insomnia, another chronic pain and lastly from being up playing Demigod (beta patch) and PVZ. Nights like these make me wonder if I really am addicted to video games.

I could easily say yes or no and call it a day, but where is the fun in that? I do play a lot of video games and most of my income goes towards it. I will admit getting caught up in a game and playing it for longer then I intended (My L4D friends can attest to that) however the other signs of addiction are not present. I have never lied about the fact that I play a lot of video games, nor I have ever stolen money. I am always restless but that is from chronic pain and not from having to get my fix. There are plenty of days that I don't feel like playing video games, it does happen sometimes even for me. I have avoided the major sources of addiction in society: smoking, drinking, drugs etc and have no desire to start of any of them. Even though I play a lot of video games I do not think I'm addicted to them and I have one source of evidence why.

Even though I play a lot of video games I could never play the same game everyday for the rest of my life. No matter what the game is I cannot ever get myself so attached to a game that I forsake everything else. I play games for the different experiences and challenges and once I'm done with one I move on to the next. I will revisit games to recapture those experiences I once had but not even the games that I love, I could play every day. Still while I may not be addicted to video games, it has become apparent to me that I am obsessed with game design.

Since I was 11 years old I decided to focus on becoming a game designer and have really put everything else aside to accomplish this goal. I have two rooms filled with game guides, magazines and an unknown # of games. When I'm not playing video games I'm thinking about game ideas and thoughts on design, many have appeared on this blog. I am one of those people who eat, sleep, and drink design which I believe is the definition of an obsession. I've ignored the pulls of money, society and even friendship (which I hate to admit) to achieve my goal. There are many nights I lay awake thinking about what could have been, if instead of wanting to become a designer I went a different route. I try to picture myself as a rich socialite who is a lady killer and I wonder how different my life could have been. However at this time it is pointless for me to think about the past and I dedicate myself to the present and future. For creative people like I being obsess can be a good thing, I'm focused on my goal and know what I want in life. Still the thought of "at what cost?" comes to mind sometimes, as I think about what I gave up to follow my obsession.

Josh